Defining the Fuzz

On this the fifth anniversary of September 11, I find myself listening to the replays and viewing the images of that day from five years ago. I am quite surprised at how many of the details, feelings and thoughts I experienced are coming back to me so vividly and clearly, yet I didn't remember them until today. Just hearing a phrase from a news reporter, or seeing a picture of the smoke and dust rising up into the sky line immediately restored the tension, the apprehension and the uncertainty from that day.

I know everybody has their own story and memories of that day, but for me I remember Brian just standing in front of the television at our house on Renwick in Glendora. Nolan had just started Kindergarten at Hope, and Aaron was 2. I only had a towel and undergarments on because I had just gotten out of the shower, and I joined him-just staring and watching the news coverage. It was so difficult to break away from the TV to even try and get dressed or get the kids ready because I was afraid I would miss something. After the first tower fell, I remember the overwhelming emotion of vulnerability-I wasn't safe anywhere.

Do I get dressed and take the kids to school and the babysitters? Do I go to work? Do I leave the house? Is the sky falling?

Then the news reports came in about several "unaccounted" planes flying around that could potentially be hijacked. I remember discussing with Brian if he was going to go in to work that day because his studio is so close to LAX.
(He did.)

I took the kids to school, and was comforted by speaking with other parents who were feeling just like me. It was so hard to leave Nolan there, not knowing how the rest of the day would unfold. I was trying to trust in the normalcy the teachers and parents were working to establish for the children, but fearful of leaving my son. I can only imagine how hard it was for the people in New York and the other cities who were actually right in the midst of it all and were trying to get to their children.

All the other days I would usually drive to work in a modified zombie state, but I actually remember that morning drive. The other drivers seemed more considerate- like we were all looking out for each other. We couldn't help our fellow Americans in New York, but everyone heading west on the 210 into Pasadena was going to get to their destination in one piece. I would occasionally look at the faces of the other people in their cars as I passed. Expressionless- concentrating on their radios or cell phone conversations.

At work, (Symes) I was surprised that it was a busy morning. (Don't you people have anything else to do than to get your Range Rovers detailed!!!) But, the normally "high maintenance" regulars were actually considerate and somewhat pleasant. No class delineation: we were all on the same level that day as we watched the news together on the showroom floor.

The rest of the day passed quickly as the news unfolded. Nolan told me his teacher, Mrs. Hall explained that today some airplanes flew into buildings and they prayed for all of the victims and their families. From that day on, Nolan has called 9/11 "the day the airplanes crashed into the buildings." Simple, but truthful and very effective.

I stopped at the mini market by our house and picked up the newspaper. I wanted to keep a printed memory of the day.
I was impressed at the thoroughness of the news coverage, but listening back I am aware of much misinformation which seemed true at the time.

Five years.
I'm saddened not only for the senseless loss of lives, but because I don't think our country has progressed much since that day. We have lost more freedoms and civil liberties in the name of security- one of the terrorist's goals.
I hope the memorial services and replays of the news coverage help to restore our collective nation's memories and define the fuzz of complacency, to help bring about some truly positive changes.